1 00:00:17,279 --> 00:00:19,714 For the past few years ricky gervais, 2 00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:22,443 Stephen merchant, and karl pilkington 3 00:00:22,507 --> 00:00:24,508 Have been meeting regularly 4 00:00:24,564 --> 00:00:26,999 For a series of pointssle conversations. 5 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,928 This is one of them. 6 00:00:28,982 --> 00:00:30,516 - Testing. - Is that all right? 7 00:00:32,726 --> 00:00:35,828 Hello and welcom e to "the ricky gervais show" 8 00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,698 With me, ricky gervais, stephen mercntha... 9 00:00:37,751 --> 00:00:40,753 Hello. -...And the ltlite round-headed buffoon 10 00:00:40,821 --> 00:00:42,321 That is karl pilkington. 11 00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:43,973 Hi. 12 00:00:49,523 --> 00:00:51,524 Do you know the other week 13 00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:54,449 When I came up with like a different idea 14 00:00:54,515 --> 00:00:57,184 Of how we can sort o make the world run? 15 00:00:57,247 --> 00:00:58,848 Could we just ha a quick recap of that? 16 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,634 I seem to rememb it was a load of old arse. 17 00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:02,088 It was ridiculous. It was, um-- 18 00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:04,572 He was saying that the world is overpopulated. 19 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:06,334 So the system would be 20 00:01:06,387 --> 00:01:08,388 Where people were living too long and stuff. 21 00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:11,213 So what happens is, people live till 78-- 22 00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:12,878 I don't know how he can enforce that-- 23 00:01:12,964 --> 00:01:14,498 But when they die, 24 00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:16,183 They've got a little baby in their stomach 25 00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:17,970 Like a pip in an apple 26 00:01:18,023 --> 00:01:19,557 That then carries on when they die. 27 00:01:19,608 --> 00:01:21,175 It wasn't a theory. It wasn't an idea. 28 00:01:21,228 --> 00:01:23,362 It was the ramblings of a mental case. 29 00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:25,054 You're saying it's stupid, but someone's email said, 30 00:01:25,106 --> 00:01:27,040 "oh, yeah, that's pretty good." 31 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:28,262 - Just saying. - Go on. 32 00:01:28,310 --> 00:01:29,844 ...If th's a no, I've been thinking about-- 33 00:01:29,895 --> 00:01:31,829 - It is a no. - --What about 34 00:01:31,886 --> 00:01:33,620 If we do it the other way, right? 35 00:01:33,673 --> 00:01:35,140 - Ah. - Go on. 36 00:01:35,191 --> 00:01:36,424 Somehow-- I don't know how yet-- 37 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:37,973 A kid has an old lady? 38 00:01:40,621 --> 00:01:42,288 That's what it's gonna be, isn't it? 39 00:01:42,341 --> 00:01:45,810 - A chilt gives birth to an old man? - No. 40 00:01:47,299 --> 00:01:50,668 What I'm saying is, work the other way around. 41 00:01:55,933 --> 00:02:00,136 In a body that's just died, right? 42 00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:03,219 Listen to this. Imagine that's his notes. 43 00:02:03,286 --> 00:02:05,587 When he hands it to the nobel people 44 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,748 D they go, "'if there's a way that 45 00:02:07,805 --> 00:02:10,073 We can inject something, '" they go "well, what?" 46 00:02:10,132 --> 00:02:11,433 I don't know the chemical formula, 47 00:02:11,481 --> 00:02:13,782 But something. Something-h02. 48 00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:18,647 Right. So you inject it in the temple-- 49 00:02:18,733 --> 00:02:20,400 He's narrowed it down to the temple. 50 00:02:20,454 --> 00:02:22,555 - So what happens? - She wakes up, right? 51 00:02:22,612 --> 00:02:24,880 Amazing. - And she works the other way. 52 00:02:24,939 --> 00:02:26,974 So she might be 77 53 00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:29,498 And then she'll have a birthday, she's 76. 54 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,994 And she's working that way, if you know what I mean. 55 00:02:32,056 --> 00:02:33,823 - Okay. - Are you with me? 56 00:02:33,877 --> 00:02:36,712 Because the thing is you've got-- 57 00:02:38,902 --> 00:02:40,469 - I have no idea. - I'm really scared. 58 00:02:40,521 --> 00:02:42,088 - Yeah. - I'm really scared. 59 00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:44,542 This is the maddest thing you've ever said. - Yeah. 60 00:02:44,602 --> 00:02:48,405 This is madder than the old lady with a pip like an apple in her belly. 61 00:02:48,481 --> 00:02:49,782 - It sort of did work. - This is-- 62 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,264 No, it didn't work it worked in your head 63 00:02:51,314 --> 00:02:53,315 It's like a dream that you wake up and go, 64 00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:55,206 - "I've got a great theory." - this is what-- this is it. 65 00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,494 Let me just tell you the ending 66 00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:58,409 Because the ending works out a bit better. 67 00:02:58,464 --> 00:02:59,764 - Go on. - What I'm saying is 68 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:03,917 - When you die at the age of- - - 78. 69 00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:06,397 - --Nine months. - What? 70 00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:08,392 At the age of nine months. That's when you come out. 71 00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:11,760 What do you mean when you die at the age of nine months? 72 00:03:11,819 --> 00:03:13,520 You're not scared of dying 'cause you're now a baby 73 00:03:13,573 --> 00:03:15,074 So you don't know what's going on anyway. 74 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:17,193 - There's no fear. - So you missed a bit here. 75 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,752 So this woman literally gets younger and younger? 76 00:03:19,813 --> 00:03:22,748 I think when she's in her 20s she's in her old age, rick. 77 00:03:22,815 --> 00:03:24,215 Yeah, but it doesn't matter 78 00:03:24,265 --> 00:03:26,500 Because that's the fun part of your life, isn't it, 79 00:03:26,558 --> 00:03:28,759 When you're 20 and you've got all your energy and that? 80 00:03:28,818 --> 00:03:31,653 Before you die you're actually having a good life 81 00:03:31,718 --> 00:03:33,553 Rather than it being the other way around. 82 00:03:33,608 --> 00:03:37,077 But does she do different stuff than she did on the way up? 83 00:03:37,149 --> 00:03:40,385 She's already lived 78 years, hasn't she? 84 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,088 Don't forget. She was a baby once 85 00:03:42,141 --> 00:03:43,541 And she gr to her years and then someone-- 86 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,458 Then when someone stuck a needle in her head 87 00:03:45,513 --> 00:03:47,481 And said, "right, back you go." 88 00:03:47,537 --> 00:03:49,004 No. Well, forget all that bit. 89 00:03:49,055 --> 00:03:51,123 Oh, forget all that bit. How do we forget that bit? 90 00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:53,348 - What I'm saying is-- - so she died 91 00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:56,041 And she doesn't remember- this is a new life, is it? 92 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,504 Let me just leave you with this. - Right. 93 00:03:57,554 --> 00:03:59,589 You're talking shit, explain yourself. 94 00:03:59,645 --> 00:04:01,512 But aren't the family getting younger as well? 95 00:04:01,568 --> 00:04:03,168 - What's happened - karl: Forget it. 96 00:04:03,221 --> 00:04:05,789 - Leave it as it is. - Leave it as it is? 97 00:04:05,851 --> 00:04:07,552 Shall we?Can we all agre on that, guys? 98 00:04:07,605 --> 00:04:09,773 Should we agree to leave it as it is? Is that all right? 99 00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:11,231 'cause I don't wanna hear anymore 100 00:04:11,281 --> 00:04:13,116 From the diaries of charles manson. 101 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,773 I mean, you're a fucking maniac. 102 00:04:19,039 --> 00:04:22,041 Friend of mine got a gift- or rath gave it as a gift. 103 00:04:22,108 --> 00:04:24,109 I don't know if you've been familiar with these. 104 00:04:24,166 --> 00:04:26,167 It's a charity organization. 105 00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:28,491 You go on their website or you can phone them up. 106 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:31,852 You can give someone else the gift of say, a goat. 107 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,724 And it's a sort of goodwill thing, you know what I mean? 108 00:04:33,778 --> 00:04:37,614 So you buy, you buy an african family, uh, a goat... 109 00:04:37,691 --> 00:04:39,825 That will help them for years to come. 110 00:04:39,882 --> 00:04:41,817 That's like sayi "well, I would have bought you a present..." 111 00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:43,239 "but I've used that money wisel" 112 00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:45,190 Yeah, so it's almost like they've given... 113 00:04:45,245 --> 00:04:47,646 - Exactly. -...The present- - they've given the goat. 114 00:04:47,707 --> 00:04:49,208 Yeah, it's a beautiful idea. 115 00:04:49,258 --> 00:04:50,625 But as soon as he told me about it, 116 00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:51,843 I thought to myself straight away, 117 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:54,425 Knowing karl's vie on charity and giving, 118 00:04:54,486 --> 00:04:56,254 I wondered what his views would be. 119 00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:59,176 Well, are they happy with the present over there-- 120 00:04:59,242 --> 00:05:01,643 The people who are getting it? 121 00:05:01,705 --> 00:05:03,806 You-- you're an idiot. 122 00:05:03,863 --> 00:05:07,432 What, you think an african family wakes up 123 00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:10,341 And there's a little goat with aibbon tied around it 124 00:05:10,406 --> 00:05:12,407 And they go, "oh, look atwh santa brought us." 125 00:05:12,464 --> 00:05:15,032 "look, and that mince pie is gone and that glass of milk." 126 00:05:16,105 --> 00:05:17,773 - You'reuc sh an idiot. - No no no. 127 00:05:17,825 --> 00:05:21,194 What I'm saying , is does that family want a goat? 128 00:05:21,265 --> 00:05:23,166 - Yes. - But why? 129 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:25,056 It's not that they want a goat. It's that they need a goat. 130 00:05:25,110 --> 00:05:27,845 Do you think-- what do you think this organization is? 131 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,610 Apparently giving goats to people. 132 00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:32,299 They're gonna-- they're gonna say, "oh, I wanted nintendo"? 133 00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:34,563 - What are you thinking? - What I'm saying is, 134 00:05:34,655 --> 00:05:36,823 Let me put myself in their shoes. 135 00:05:36,881 --> 00:05:38,348 Well, this'll be a first. 136 00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:41,834 But say I'one of them over there. 137 00:05:41,907 --> 00:05:44,542 I'm sat there. It's christmas day, right? 138 00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:47,307 I open it up. I open the present. 139 00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:49,671 A little goat there, right? 140 00:05:49,732 --> 00:05:52,033 Now if I was one of them, I would be going, 141 00:05:52,092 --> 00:05:54,260 "not another mouth to feed." 142 00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:57,368 At the end of the day, there isn't enough food 143 00:05:57,421 --> 00:05:59,522 To go arou for themselves, never mind a goat. 144 00:06:01,097 --> 00:06:04,066 Don't they say having a dog is quite expensive? 145 00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,168 Sometimes they say, you know, 146 00:06:06,224 --> 00:06:08,959 With all the injections you've got to give it-- 147 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:11,358 Well, I'm assuming it's all above board. 148 00:06:11,419 --> 00:06:12,852 The goat's had its injections. 149 00:06:12,903 --> 00:06:14,770 That's what some of the money goes towards. 150 00:06:14,825 --> 00:06:17,293 It's just a way of redirecting cash. 151 00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:19,956 But the thing is why do they want that goat? What's the main reason? 152 00:06:20,019 --> 00:06:21,953 To-- what-- who-- 153 00:06:22,009 --> 00:06:23,309 What's the main- what does a go give ya? 154 00:06:23,358 --> 00:06:24,926 - Both: Milk. - Right. 155 00:06:24,977 --> 00:06:27,979 Wouldn't it be easier to just send them a bottle of milk... 156 00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:31,867 ...Without all the hassle and headaches that come with it? 157 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,394 That's all I'm saying. And the other thing is, think about the goat-- 158 00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:36,088 That was happy over here. 159 00:06:36,141 --> 00:06:39,510 Suddenly it's on barren land- no grass. 160 00:06:39,581 --> 00:06:42,850 I'm gonna burst. 161 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,287 What do you mean? 162 00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:45,837 He didn't send a goat from here. 163 00:06:45,922 --> 00:06:48,356 I'm saying who's happy at the end of this, right? 164 00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,619 You've got a fella who hasn't got a present over here 165 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,178 Because the mate bought him a goat, right? 166 00:06:52,229 --> 00:06:55,031 So yea let's do this properly. 167 00:06:55,095 --> 00:06:57,030 So there's a tick. He's not happy, all right? 168 00:06:57,086 --> 00:06:59,187 Then you've got the person who's opened it who, 169 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:02,580 Like you said, wanted summat else, right? 170 00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:05,519 It's a goat. They go, "who's gonna look after this?" 171 00:07:05,585 --> 00:07:07,920 So, tick, they're not happy. 172 00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:10,848 And then you've got the goat going, "what am I doing here?" 173 00:07:17,086 --> 00:07:18,353 Definitely love this, surely. 174 00:07:18,402 --> 00:07:20,002 Have you started seeing this now? Virgin? 175 00:07:20,055 --> 00:07:22,223 They've started plugging virgin galactic. 176 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,715 I think it's somethi nglike 200,000 quid 177 00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:28,512 And like you will get a chance to go ina space shuttle into space. 178 00:07:28,587 --> 00:07:30,121 Karl. Thoughts? 179 00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:31,340 Go into space? 180 00:07:31,387 --> 00:07:33,054 Wouldn't it be a fascinating experience 181 00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:36,209 To go into space and look back at the earth? 182 00:07:36,277 --> 00:07:40,447 I mean, well, at what point are you meant to be happy? 183 00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,662 Do you know what I mean? You're floating about out there. 184 00:07:42,719 --> 00:07:45,955 And don't get out, do y?Ou 185 00:07:46,025 --> 00:07:47,893 Uh, you mean, to do so duty-free shopping? 186 00:07:47,947 --> 00:07:51,249 I'm just talking. You don't go floating about. You stay in your seat. 187 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,387 Mm. They probably let you move around on the shuttle. 188 00:07:53,445 --> 00:07:54,945 Yeah, I know, but I'm talking about getting out. 189 00:07:54,997 --> 00:07:56,831 - When you go on over there-- - but you wanna go into acspe? 190 00:07:56,885 --> 00:07:58,486 Yes, but that's what I'm saying. 191 00:07:58,538 --> 00:08:00,005 When you go on holiday, the flight bit 192 00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:01,890 Isn't the best bit of the holiday, is it? 193 00:08:01,944 --> 00:08:04,045 That's the bit you've got to do. So what I'm saying is 194 00:08:04,103 --> 00:08:06,704 You've got to stay on this and then you go back home? 195 00:08:06,768 --> 00:08:08,335 You don't take luggage, right? 196 00:08:08,386 --> 00:08:11,155 I don't see the point. 197 00:08:11,219 --> 00:08:13,887 So you're there. You're sat in your own clothes the whole time. 198 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,319 Same clothes the whole time. 199 00:08:15,368 --> 00:08:17,836 But I don't deunrstand. What iths e point? 200 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,632 I think it's the view- I think it's two things. 201 00:08:19,685 --> 00:08:21,686 I think it's the view 202 00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:23,710 And being able to be part of an exclusive club-- 203 00:08:23,766 --> 00:08:25,534 "I went into space." 204 00:08:25,587 --> 00:08:29,657 Uh, it's that thing about man conquering nature. 205 00:08:29,736 --> 00:08:31,771 And you're one of the elite few 206 00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:34,595 That managed to pop up, see the world from a distance 207 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:37,462 That no one else can see it omfr and then pop down. 208 00:08:37,527 --> 00:08:39,461 All that way just for the view? 209 00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:40,950 Yeah. 210 00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:42,968 Is it worth it? 211 00:08:43,025 --> 00:08:45,393 There's a lot of other places I haven't seen anyway 212 00:08:45,453 --> 00:08:46,887 Before I think about that. 213 00:08:46,937 --> 00:09:01,618 I think if you've gone everywhere-- 214 00:09:01,811 --> 00:09:03,278 I haven't been to scotland yet, right? 215 00:09:03,328 --> 00:09:04,462 If we gave it to you free of charge-- 216 00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:05,576 If we said, "karl, go up in space"-- 217 00:09:05,622 --> 00:09:07,323 I know the answer to this, steve. 218 00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:09,109 He's thinking "I'd like to meet some aliens 219 00:09:09,164 --> 00:09:11,499 - That can talk like I do"... - Yeah. 220 00:09:11,558 --> 00:09:14,159 ..."and I can understand them and they can tell me summat." 221 00:09:14,223 --> 00:09:17,091 " like what?" "oh, that they met god- he was all right." 222 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,358 That's the sort of thing. That's what he's gonna say. 223 00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:21,584 He'd like them to look like monkeys in spacesuits. 224 00:09:21,643 --> 00:09:24,411 That'd be his ideal thing. He'd like to go to the planet of the apes. 225 00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:25,575 That's what I was gonna say. 226 00:09:25,623 --> 00:09:26,956 He would love to go there. 227 00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:28,606 Lookhe, 's nodding. He's nodding. 228 00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,727 Thoughts, karl? - Yeah, that'd be brilliant. 229 00:09:30,816 --> 00:09:32,951 What would bbre illian t?- Seeing a little alien 230 00:09:33,009 --> 00:09:35,177 And having a chat with him, finding out what's been going on. 231 00:09:35,235 --> 00:09:37,637 "what's been going on." 232 00:09:37,697 --> 00:09:39,832 No no. Don't you think that-- 233 00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:43,825 I mean, if you bought me that as a present, either of ya... 234 00:09:43,903 --> 00:09:45,937 Yeah. -...I wouldn't be that happy. 235 00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:47,895 For me, that's a little bit like-- 236 00:09:47,951 --> 00:09:49,484 Well, this is annoying 237 00:09:49,536 --> 00:09:53,172 Because we got you a trip to space and a goat. - Yeah. 238 00:09:53,245 --> 00:09:56,147 Do you know how I'm interested 239 00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:59,783 In sort of going on anheotr planet? 240 00:09:59,856 --> 00:10:01,657 Karl, you are on another planet, mate. 241 00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:03,312 No no, but you know what I mean? 242 00:10:03,364 --> 00:10:05,365 It'd be quite sort of interesting. 243 00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:06,722 Hodow you think u'yod get there? 244 00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:09,705 Well, yeah, you'd go on a rocket and stuff, 245 00:10:09,772 --> 00:10:12,006 But what I'm saying, at least you know when you get there, 246 00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:14,467 You're getting out, you're having a t of a wander. 247 00:10:14,527 --> 00:10:18,097 I wouldn't be happy in just the journey bit oft. 248 00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:20,605 - That's all I'm saying. - That's great, isn't it? 249 00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,100 But the thing is, right? 250 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,151 I was looking into it a bit 251 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:27,643 'cause I was reading about the virgin thing, right? 252 00:10:27,715 --> 00:10:32,252 And I was reading something that in 1971, 253 00:10:32,336 --> 00:10:33,803 Three of them went up there. 254 00:10:33,854 --> 00:10:36,822 There was one bloke in the rocket, right? 255 00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:41,093 The other two wandered off, had a walkabout, 256 00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,574 Seeing what rocks they could find and that. 257 00:10:43,635 --> 00:10:46,003 That bloke who was in the rocket, 258 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,131 He was the loneliest man ever... 259 00:10:49,504 --> 00:10:50,671 In the world. 260 00:10:52,674 --> 00:10:54,742 - I don't know what to do. - I don't know what that was. 261 00:10:54,798 --> 00:10:58,701 I don't know if that's some sort of profound poetry or-- 262 00:11:00,768 --> 00:11:02,769 Do you know I think he's trying to say? 263 00:11:02,826 --> 00:11:06,962 He's trying to say he was, by definition, 264 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,844 Human furthest away from all other human contact. 265 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,454 - Yeah yeah, that's what I said. - Yeah, okay. 266 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,341 No, you said "loneliest. " loneliest evokes emotion. 267 00:11:15,406 --> 00:11:16,673 - Yeah. - Yeah. 268 00:11:16,722 --> 00:11:18,422 It's like he started crying and writing poetry 269 00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:21,277 And listening to morrissey records. 270 00:11:21,342 --> 00:11:23,143 But what I was thinking is, 271 00:11:23,197 --> 00:11:24,597 Do you think when he got up in the morning, 272 00:11:24,648 --> 00:11:27,383 He still bothered to put his clothes on? 273 00:11:30,078 --> 00:11:31,912 That's the first thing that came into yr mind 274 00:11:31,966 --> 00:11:33,534 When you pictured him in there. 275 00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:36,821 At the end of the day, even if me girlfriend is at work and tt, 276 00:11:36,891 --> 00:11:38,992 I'm not happy walking about with everything out 277 00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:40,617 'cause you never know what's going to happen. 278 00:11:43,265 --> 00:11:45,733 I just mean, you never know if someone's gonna turn up. 279 00:11:45,795 --> 00:11:48,563 No, I don't like- I always pop some pants on 280 00:11:48,628 --> 00:11:50,162 - Or a towel even if I'm alone. - Not always. 281 00:11:53,856 --> 00:11:55,891 'cause I've knocked on your door when you've-- 282 00:11:56,992 --> 00:11:58,593 No no, he's taking you've been his trousers off.Od there with-- 283 00:11:58,645 --> 00:12:01,347 I did it especially knowing that you were there. 284 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,411 I did it especially to annoy you. 285 00:12:03,468 --> 00:12:05,469 Yeah, so-- 286 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:06,926 But do you know what I mean? 287 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,544 Do you think he, do you think he was walking about the rocket 288 00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:13,776 With his tackle out-- if they go, "well, no one's watching here." 289 00:12:13,857 --> 00:12:15,457 Do you reckon it floats up or down? 290 00:12:15,509 --> 00:12:19,478 Well, um, if you are the man who was up in the space rocket 291 00:12:19,557 --> 00:12:23,126 And was for a short period the loneliest man in the world, we'd love to hear from you. 292 00:12:23,199 --> 00:12:26,034 We'd love to hear what you did with your time, how lonely you felt 293 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,201 And also, did you- did you float around 294 00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:30,560 With your cock and bal? 295 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,920 Karl, if you could have a superpower like superman, 296 00:12:36,993 --> 00:12:38,928 What would you superpower be? 297 00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:41,218 Can I sugges consciousness? - Yeah. 298 00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,878 Can I have the power of thought? 299 00:12:43,942 --> 00:12:47,344 Remember, you've already got opposable thumbs. 300 00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:50,584 - So cross that one off the list. - Go on, karl. 301 00:12:50,654 --> 00:12:53,522 There's so many to choose from telepathy, x-ray vision. 302 00:12:53,588 --> 00:12:56,289 Flight, invisibility. 303 00:12:56,354 --> 00:12:57,187 Choose it wisely. 304 00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,765 Strength, intelligence. 305 00:12:59,827 --> 00:13:03,197 But why have I been picked? - Oh, for god's sake. 306 00:13:03,268 --> 00:13:05,369 - I'm just saying-- - it's rob's question for you. 307 00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:07,961 But I justay- does anyone else want this? 308 00:13:08,023 --> 00:13:10,758 Do you know what I mean? 309 00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:12,256 No, "what do you wish you could do 310 00:13:12,306 --> 00:13:14,307 That's impossible? " is the question. 311 00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,665 Or-- what? What do you mean? 312 00:13:16,725 --> 00:13:19,193 Because with that comes a responsibility-- 313 00:13:19,255 --> 00:13:21,389 With enormous power does come great responsibility. 314 00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:24,282 So would you like spidey senses? 315 00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:25,447 Is that what you're saying? 316 00:13:25,494 --> 00:13:27,628 - Uh... - Stephen: Come on, karl. 317 00:13:27,686 --> 00:13:30,855 You know what these superheroes can do. They can freeze things-- 318 00:13:30,925 --> 00:13:33,192 I know, but it always- they're never happy, are they? 319 00:13:33,252 --> 00:13:35,853 You know what I mean? Spiderman wanted to tell that girl 320 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,417 That he can climb walls and that and he's like, "I can't." 321 00:13:38,479 --> 00:13:42,115 Superman never told louis and that. 322 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,424 It's lois. Who's louis? 323 00:13:44,483 --> 00:13:46,117 - Louis. - Who's louis? 324 00:13:46,169 --> 00:13:48,704 It's just a penpal of superman's. 325 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:53,003 Louis-- his little secret chum! Yeah. 326 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:56,252 "hello, supean. " - "hello, louis, wha are you doing?" 327 00:13:56,321 --> 00:13:58,388 "hey, superman, hey, um, who are ya?" 328 00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,280 "I can't tell you, louis. " brilliant. 329 00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:02,302 You know-- hulk, he wasn't happy. 330 00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:04,192 "hulk. He wasn't happy." 331 00:14:04,247 --> 00:14:07,582 It's true. He's got a theme. He has got a theme. 332 00:14:07,654 --> 00:14:09,621 There's not many hap superheroes, are there? 333 00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:12,479 But leaving aside the superheroes you're already aware of, 334 00:14:12,544 --> 00:14:13,978 What superpower would you want? 335 00:14:14,028 --> 00:14:15,796 You don't have to fight crime with it, karl. 336 00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:19,052 Let me just remind you of some of the things-- invisibility. 337 00:14:19,122 --> 00:14:22,157 All the time, though? Or can I sort of turn that on and off? 338 00:14:22,224 --> 00:14:25,193 Let's say you could turn that on and off would that interest you? 339 00:14:25,259 --> 00:14:28,128 Yeah. I'll have that. 340 00:14:28,194 --> 00:14:30,162 Right. 341 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,852 Okay, and what would you do with this power of invisibility? 342 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:38,320 Just sort of wander about and just not get seen. 343 00:14:38,413 --> 00:14:40,348 It's a brilliant power. 344 00:14:40,403 --> 00:14:42,404 It's so brilliant and he's put-- 345 00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,094 And he's put it to such brilliant use. 346 00:14:44,147 --> 00:14:46,148 It's really well done. 347 00:14:46,204 --> 00:14:50,407 And why would you wanna walk around and not be seen and that? 348 00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:52,422 Uh... - What would you gain from that? 349 00:14:52,478 --> 00:14:54,446 ...Don't know. 350 00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:58,638 You could sort of go in shops when they're shut. 351 00:14:58,717 --> 00:15:00,418 So you don't have to go with the crowds. 352 00:15:00,471 --> 00:15:03,707 - How would you get in? - Get in just before they lock up. 353 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,212 Oh, yeah? How would you get out? 354 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,373 - Wait till the mornin - brilliant. 355 00:15:08,431 --> 00:15:11,533 So hang on. So that's your use of invisibility? 356 00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,268 You found the power of invisibility, 357 00:15:13,322 --> 00:15:15,323 You want to sneak into never mind. 358 00:15:15,379 --> 00:15:17,380 Hang on, you want to sneak into hmv, 359 00:15:17,436 --> 00:15:22,841 Wait for 12 hours and then buy something... 360 00:15:22,934 --> 00:15:25,069 Oh, I love it. 361 00:15:25,126 --> 00:15:26,693 ...Just so that you don't have to be there with other people. 362 00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:28,212 Do you know what? I don't want it. 363 00:15:28,263 --> 00:15:29,931 - I don't want a power - why not? 364 00:15:29,983 --> 00:15:32,618 'cause I just don't think it would do me any good. 365 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,449 I think it's more of a hindrance. 366 00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:37,437 I love this. 367 00:15:37,505 --> 00:15:39,839 He'd like-- just think of his presents. 368 00:15:39,899 --> 00:15:42,500 We've given you a goat, a trip into space 369 00:15:42,564 --> 00:15:44,098 And the chance to be invisible. 370 00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:45,349 Not happy with any of them. 371 00:15:45,396 --> 00:15:48,065 Yeah, what he wants is a voucher for hmv. 372 00:15:48,128 --> 00:15:51,063 Yeah yeah yeah. He just wants some tokens for a record shop. 373 00:15:53,154 --> 00:15:54,988 Just going though a few more of these emails. 374 00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:57,711 This one's from ke from nova scotia, canada. 375 00:15:57,775 --> 00:16:01,778 He says, karl- he's wondering if you've got 376 00:16:01,855 --> 00:16:04,490 Y personal mantras that you could pass along. 377 00:16:04,587 --> 00:16:06,588 For instance he reminds us 378 00:16:06,645 --> 00:16:08,480 Of ben franklin's famous mantra-- 379 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,901 "waste not, want not." 380 00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:12,886 - Who said that? - Ben franklin. 381 00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:17,923 What was he-- what did he do? What was his job? 382 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,679 Benjamin franklin was a well-respect american politician 383 00:16:20,743 --> 00:16:23,845 From the 1800s he was a thinker a philosopher-- 384 00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:26,782 - Ricky: He did experiments. - --A scientist, deeply respected-- 385 00:16:26,848 --> 00:16:28,949 - Ricky: He's on money. - --Also a big political figure. 386 00:16:29,007 --> 00:16:31,375 He's featured on the $1 bill or $10 bill or something. 387 00:16:31,435 --> 00:16:34,837 He's one of th great sort of american enlightenment thinkers. 388 00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:37,410 And he came up ?with the mantra, "waste not, want not." 389 00:16:37,473 --> 00:16:39,474 You must know "waste not, want not. " I mean, that's just-- 390 00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:42,432 Do you understand the phrase "waste not, want not"? 391 00:16:42,497 --> 00:16:44,465 No, not really, no. What does it mean? 392 00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:46,556 - I've never used it. - It's like, 393 00:16:46,612 --> 00:16:48,479 "don't throw stuff away 394 00:16:48,535 --> 00:16:51,003 'cause you might need it and therefore 395 00:16:51,064 --> 00:16:53,065 You won't be wanting anything 396 00:16:53,122 --> 00:16:54,989 Because you didn't throw it away." 397 00:16:55,045 --> 00:16:56,712 So he was a bit of a hoarder. 398 00:16:56,764 --> 00:16:59,566 - If you don't waste food-- - "he was a bit of a hoarder." 399 00:16:59,631 --> 00:17:03,034 for god's sake. 400 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,807 No no, but I'm just saying, he's a man in power. 401 00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:08,206 Is that the best thing he ever said? 402 00:17:08,265 --> 00:17:09,833 No, I'm sure he me up with many profound things. 403 00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:11,251 So why is that one remembered? 404 00:17:11,301 --> 00:17:13,569 He did experimen in electricity and conducting electricity. 405 00:17:13,629 --> 00:17:15,429 But that impresses me more-- 406 00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:17,184 Inventin' electricity- than someone-- 407 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,940 - He didn't invent electricity. - Wait a minute. 408 00:17:21,015 --> 00:17:23,250 Impress you more than what? 409 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:26,510 Just saying "waste not, want not." 410 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:29,682 I don't think it's that good. It's not even catchy. 411 00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,684 Uh, how would you word it? 412 00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:34,641 I'd just say, "whoa whoa, don't be chucking that out. 413 00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:38,310 - You might need that later." - "don't be chucking that out. 414 00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:41,020 You might need that later." karl pilkington-- 2005. 415 00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:44,117 "waste not, want not" is perhaps a little bit more pithy-- 416 00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:47,188 We should go through great sayings and phrases 417 00:17:47,254 --> 00:17:49,489 And see-- - well, first, does he know what they mean? 418 00:17:49,548 --> 00:17:52,784 - And then, secondly, can he improve them? - That would be brilliant. 419 00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:56,322 uh, let's see. 420 00:17:56,395 --> 00:17:58,195 Okay, uh, winston churchill-- 421 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:15,900 "never have so few done so much for so many." 422 00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:22,331 I.E. Means these few good men, their actions freed the world. 423 00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:26,035 They freed the world. They had an impact on every person in the world 424 00:18:26,109 --> 00:18:28,810 And they were a few brave men. That's what he's saying. 425 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:32,444 Yeah, but what I'm saying is if I was one of them men who gave up his life, 426 00:18:32,517 --> 00:18:34,518 I'd want a name check. 427 00:18:34,575 --> 00:18:36,109 I don't wanna be bungled in 428 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,527 With everyone else who he's saying, 429 00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:39,144 "hello, the blokes gave you their lives. 430 00:18:39,196 --> 00:18:40,596 Well done and that. See you later." 431 00:18:40,646 --> 00:18:43,214 - That's brilliant. - Did you just say bungled in? 432 00:18:43,276 --> 00:18:45,978 - He did, he did. - Bungled in, yeah. 433 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,810 Bungled-- he made up a word. 434 00:18:47,863 --> 00:18:50,098 - He doesn't wanna be bungled in. - You made up a word. 435 00:18:50,157 --> 00:18:52,325 See? That's it, you see? We've been looking for it. 436 00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,217 That's original. That's karl pilkington. 437 00:18:54,272 --> 00:18:56,073 "I don't want to be bungled in." 438 00:18:59,735 --> 00:19:02,337 You know how we've chatted about charities before-- 439 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,502 Done a lot of stuff on that, right? 440 00:19:05,571 --> 00:19:07,505 I was coming back from manchester, 441 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,595 Got off the train at euston, right? 442 00:19:09,652 --> 00:19:12,587 Got off the train, walking through the busy bit and stuff. 443 00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:16,723 There's this fella stood ther- a charity worker, right? 444 00:19:16,802 --> 00:19:19,971 Nice looking fella he's got his suit on, a tie and everything-- 445 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,907 Quite respectable in that, right? 446 00:19:21,962 --> 00:19:24,864 I look down at his bucket. All the money's been put in the bucket. 447 00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:26,731 On the front of the bucket, 448 00:19:26,785 --> 00:19:29,854 It says "collecting for the homeless at christmas." 449 00:19:29,921 --> 00:19:32,723 Now why can't they do that? 450 00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:34,723 - What, the homeless? - The homeless people. 451 00:19:34,778 --> 00:19:36,779 Why is some fella taking his time out-- 452 00:19:36,837 --> 00:19:39,705 His own time where he could be at home? 453 00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:44,631 Some of us have got homes to go to. 454 00:19:44,695 --> 00:19:46,930 - You know what I mean? - You think just give them the buckets? 455 00:19:46,988 --> 00:19:49,623 What are the homeless people doing whilst he's doing that? 456 00:19:49,686 --> 00:19:51,220 What have they got on the timetable? 457 00:19:51,271 --> 00:19:53,606 Cut out the middle man. Cut out the middle man. 458 00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:55,334 What would preve a homeless perso- 459 00:19:55,386 --> 00:19:56,887 An entrepreneurial homeless person 460 00:19:56,971 --> 00:19:58,806 Just getting a bucket and writing it on there themselves? 461 00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:01,862 Could I suest something? Um, hunger. 462 00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:04,097 Uh, some drug addiction. 463 00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:06,590 Uh, traumas. Often mental illness. 464 00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:09,554 Um, just possibly too depressed to get up, 465 00:20:09,619 --> 00:20:11,687 Put a suit on and go to euston station 466 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,478 With a nice bucket with some writing on I 467 00:20:13,531 --> 00:20:17,534 And then I was thinking about that, right? 468 00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:20,782 I was walking down the street in london with suzanne. 469 00:20:20,851 --> 00:20:23,820 Saw a little homeless-- well, I didn't see the homeless bloke, right? 470 00:20:23,886 --> 00:20:26,921 I saw a g sticking out of a doorway. 471 00:20:26,989 --> 00:20:29,023 I thought, "here we go." 472 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,982 Walked past it, right? You're not gonna believe this-- 473 00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:33,983 - Go on. - Homeless... 474 00:20:34,038 --> 00:20:36,640 - Yeah? - ...Chinese fella. 475 00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:39,604 I've never seen one of them. 476 00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:42,172 No, I'm not having a go, right? 477 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:45,236 But have you ever-- do you know what I mean? That was a shock to me. 478 00:20:45,303 --> 00:20:48,271 I really don't think I have. I think he's got me there. 479 00:20:48,339 --> 00:20:50,340 I hate to say it, 480 00:20:50,396 --> 00:20:52,497 But I must say I can't remember 481 00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:56,057 Ever seeing a homeless chinese person. 482 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,865 Weird, isn't it? 483 00:20:58,929 --> 00:21:01,264 I walked past and I said to sunne, "did you see that?" 484 00:21:01,324 --> 00:21:03,292 She goes, "what?" I said, "just look back there." 485 00:21:03,348 --> 00:21:05,983 She's like, "what?" I said, "that homeless fellow, look back at him." 486 00:21:06,045 --> 00:21:07,813 She said, "what?" I said, "he's chinese." 487 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,168 And she says, "yeah, good point." 488 00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,995 "good point." 'course she did. 489 00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:13,483 She said that to shut you up. 490 00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:15,435 She didn't want to get into a conversation with ya. 491 00:21:18,593 --> 00:21:22,095 Rick, it's that time again. It's what the whole world is waiting for now. 492 00:21:22,168 --> 00:21:23,968 - Is it monkey news? - It is monkey news. 493 00:21:24,023 --> 00:21:26,558 Please perform live the jingle. 494 00:21:26,620 --> 00:21:32,258 oh, chimpanzee, that monkey news. 495 00:21:32,353 --> 00:21:33,654 There we go. 496 00:21:33,703 --> 00:21:37,105 All right then. Well, got an email from john. 497 00:21:37,177 --> 00:21:41,447 Um, if you've got any monkey news going on in your area... 498 00:21:41,527 --> 00:21:45,463 - Let us know. - God, amazing. 499 00:21:45,541 --> 00:21:51,346 There's a tv channel in moscow. 500 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,544 And I think they had a bit of bad luck or something-- 501 00:21:53,602 --> 00:21:55,870 A lot of redundancies and that, right? 502 00:21:55,929 --> 00:22:00,566 And whoever was in charge of it got a bit mental 503 00:22:00,651 --> 00:22:04,120 And got rid of loads of people, right? 504 00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:06,761 They come in the next day and they were like, 505 00:22:06,823 --> 00:22:08,157 "are we ready to go live?" 506 00:22:08,206 --> 00:22:10,474 And someone comes running in with a clipboard saying, 507 00:22:10,533 --> 00:22:15,404 "we haven't got any people left to present." 508 00:22:15,491 --> 00:22:17,426 - That's such nonsense. - Right. 509 00:22:17,481 --> 00:22:19,949 But I tell you what- carry on, carry on. 510 00:22:20,010 --> 00:22:21,778 So he goes, "what?" 511 00:22:21,832 --> 00:22:24,701 If it's just one employee turns out to be simian 512 00:22:24,766 --> 00:22:26,700 And he's doing a good job, 513 00:22:26,756 --> 00:22:29,324 I'm never doing this radio show again. 514 00:22:29,387 --> 00:22:32,256 So this tv channel it's having a lot ofs pr. 515 00:22:32,321 --> 00:22:35,323 They've got to go live, right? 516 00:22:35,391 --> 00:22:37,125 He's like, "what am I gonna do?" 517 00:22:37,178 --> 00:22:41,148 For some reason, there's a chimp knocking about. 518 00:22:43,282 --> 00:22:45,450 "for some reason"-- that's the key piece of information. 519 00:22:45,509 --> 00:22:47,843 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. 520 00:22:47,904 --> 00:22:50,205 "it doesn't matter. It d" 521 00:22:50,264 --> 00:22:52,099 Imagine if that was in a film. 522 00:22:52,153 --> 00:22:55,255 They're going, "I can't see where this plot will go. He's just there." 523 00:22:55,323 --> 00:22:58,526 So he sort of says, "get it in a suit." 524 00:22:58,595 --> 00:23:01,830 Why? - Because they'r running out of ideas, 525 00:23:01,901 --> 00:23:03,868 The clock's ticking, they've got to go live with something. 526 00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,358 What do you mean? He's presenting? 527 00:23:05,408 --> 00:23:06,675 - What, it's a news program? - He's presenting. 528 00:23:06,723 --> 00:23:08,791 Listen, it's a chat show. 529 00:23:08,848 --> 00:23:11,383 They can't talk. 530 00:23:11,446 --> 00:23:13,380 Don't have a go at me. Have a go at john who sent this in. 531 00:23:13,469 --> 00:23:15,837 Be quiet. Let's hear it. Let's hear the end. 532 00:23:15,897 --> 00:23:18,365 So like I said, they're going live-- 533 00:23:18,428 --> 00:23:21,797 Five, four, three, two, on e thchimp's sat there on the chair. 534 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:25,503 He was like, "look, let's just get through tonight's show and worry about this tomorrow." 535 00:23:28,579 --> 00:23:32,215 What are you talking about? So they've put a chimp in a suit. 536 00:23:32,289 --> 00:23:35,725 Was that hand made or were the sleeves a bit short on him? 537 00:23:35,796 --> 00:23:36,963 You idio tt,hink. 538 00:23:37,011 --> 00:23:38,978 It's uthp ere and they're going, 539 00:23:39,035 --> 00:23:42,037 "right, here we go. Good luck, everyone." 540 00:23:42,104 --> 00:23:43,805 - The chimp's there. - What program is this? 541 00:23:43,858 --> 00:23:46,626 - It's a chat show. - But whose chat show is it? 542 00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:48,225 Well, it's-- it's the monkey's now. 543 00:23:48,276 --> 00:23:50,410 It's the monkey's now, is it? 544 00:23:50,469 --> 00:23:52,503 I like the fact that they put the chimp in a suit. 545 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,894 It's like no one's gonna take ts hichat show seriously 546 00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:56,755 If he's not dressed up, if he's not smart. 547 00:23:56,809 --> 00:23:58,710 "slovenly. Look at that slovenly ape." 548 00:23:58,765 --> 00:24:02,167 So anyway, let's get to the point of it and that, right? 549 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,876 So anyway, they go on, right? It's all going, going-- 550 00:24:05,949 --> 00:24:07,850 Didn't happen. There's no way this happened. 551 00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:10,707 Fundamental question: How is the chimp asking questions? 552 00:24:10,806 --> 00:24:12,607 Um, not sure about that bit, 553 00:24:12,661 --> 00:24:15,963 But all I've got is the stuff that was on the news site for this. 554 00:24:16,034 --> 00:24:17,835 - Like I say-- - but it's rubbish! 555 00:24:17,889 --> 00:24:19,890 - But I've given you some facts- - - no, they're not-- 556 00:24:19,946 --> 00:24:23,282 Vei' told ya there's a tv channel in moscow that's having problems, right? 557 00:24:23,353 --> 00:24:24,987 - I've explained that bit. - No, it's just rubbish. 558 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,340 They got rid of the presenters, 559 00:24:26,388 --> 00:24:28,289 The monkey's sat there. Don't worry about it. 560 00:24:28,345 --> 00:24:30,246 Anyway, I'm telling you, it goes all right. 561 00:24:30,301 --> 00:24:32,769 It goes all right. It's sat there, right? 562 00:24:32,830 --> 00:24:34,264 - Absolute shit. - They get to the first brea 563 00:24:34,315 --> 00:24:35,815 They're like, "can't believe it." 564 00:24:35,865 --> 00:24:37,900 The viewing figures- they're loving it, right? 565 00:24:37,957 --> 00:24:40,559 What? No! What? How do they know the viewing figures in the break? 566 00:24:40,621 --> 00:24:44,424 And atwh does the- what did the chimp do in the first half?! 567 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:46,568 They had a big guest on tt haweek. 568 00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:49,928 And what does he do?! Just talk to himself? So cher comes on. 569 00:24:49,998 --> 00:24:52,933 I'm not sure, but say if it is cher, right? 570 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,067 The main gaffer is like, "cher's gonna go mental 571 00:24:55,125 --> 00:24:57,593 After this for putting her on with a monkey. " - so now it is cher. 572 00:24:57,654 --> 00:25:00,590 In his mind, it's cher sitting there talkgin to a chimp in a suit 573 00:25:00,656 --> 00:25:02,657 And they're filming it for moscow tv 574 00:25:02,713 --> 00:25:04,648 And the ratings are going through the roof. 575 00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:06,303 Presumably, there's a translator 576 00:25:06,356 --> 00:25:08,524 'cause cher doesn't speak either russian or chimp. 577 00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:14,555 So she comes off, right? The bloke who's in charge 578 00:25:14,619 --> 00:25:16,720 Is like, "she's gonngoa mad. She's nngoa go mad here." 579 00:25:16,777 --> 00:25:19,045 She walks up, she goes, "I love that," right? 580 00:25:19,104 --> 00:25:21,439 She says that's one of the best intervie, wsright? 581 00:25:21,499 --> 00:25:23,400 So anyway, they decided, right? 582 00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:26,324 It went so well, kept him on. He's still there. 583 00:25:26,390 --> 00:25:28,824 I love the fact cher was an idea that steve threw up 584 00:25:28,886 --> 00:25:30,820 And now she's going, "I love that, I love that, 585 00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:33,377 I love that chimp. Get me back there. I wanna go to moscow." 586 00:25:33,439 --> 00:25:35,107 Never mind. Unbelievable. 587 00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:36,493 Don't have a go ate. M have a go at john. 588 00:25:36,542 --> 00:25:38,877 But if you'vgoe t any monkey news, send it in. 589 00:25:38,927 --> 00:25:43,477 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0